Just some random postings today as I continue “enjoying” spring break:

• I added some Carlebach songs to the Chord Directory, so you might want to get the latest zip, or just download Simcha Le’artzecha and Asher Boro.
• The comments have been working well for the chords. I’ve been responding to most people via e-mail. I’d love to add more songs, so suggestions are appreciated (but actual chords would be most helpful).
• I’m in the process of tweaking the color scheme a bit. I’ve noticed that it looks much better on my laptop than it does on other monitors. As always, I’m open to all suggestions (especially if you’re Ephraim Shapiro).
• For all those who kept saying, “oh but Chicago is so cold!” I’d like to point out that yesterday was a beautiful 65. And yes, I did manage to spend some time outside and enjoy a lesuirley walk to the Point.
• Thursday, I’m going to see Guys and Dolls. It’s a professional troupe, but the theater is located on campus. Tickets are regularly $35 but $8 for UC students – not a bad deal.

That’s all for now. Evil Paper coming soon….

Apologies to the Loyal Readers for the lack of Purim shticks this year. I have too much real work to do at the end of the quarter, so it’s just not gonna happen.¹ But I do feel the need to write about another dangerous practice of Purim: The Shticks. Each year, some people overdo it and wind up sick, hospitalized, or worse. The problems are exacerbated by a society which forces people to be clever – whether or not they actually have a sense of humor.
If you’re going to do some Purim shticks, don’t go in without preparation. I’ve been involved in more shticks than I care to admit, and I’ve found that “being funny” is easier said than done. Some people simply aren’t funny, and others might be funny but have no idea how to make a good shtick or just try too hard. So allow me help with some rules to make this Purim safe, enjoyable, and hopefully lynching free.

Rule 1: Know The Types of Humor

Humor is an art. It’s more than just throwing out one-liners or insults. I recommend reading A Netizen’s Guide to Humor for some general pointers. Intelligent satire is better than the one-liner insult. Insulting one-liners aren’t funny unless you’re a professional like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. You’re not. Use some creativity.
Satire is generally the best way to go for Purim shticks. Here are a few suggestions:
Parodies
If you’re too lazy to come up with something from scratch, just take something popular and redo it. Songs, gemaras, ads, articles, or whatever. What you do will normally depend on your forum. Some shticks need to be performed, others are better in print. If you’re doing a magazine, be sure to mix up the styles.
The original piece should be serious, thus increasing the comedic impact. If you try to modify a comedy piece, you run the risk of extreme lameness. The only way you could pull it off, is if your version is better than the original. Try to pick something that would be familiar to your audience. The Hamevaser song, although funny, was lost on most people. In YU people either read Hamevaser, or they heard Dennis Leary. Few people knew both.
Images
Any idiot can fool around with Photoshop, but few posess the twisted talent of Ephraim Shapiro.² If you don’t have the ability of Shapiro, use minimal image editing, and put more effort into the caption. Take this for example. Initially, they just imposed “YU Registrar’s Office” on the guy’s butt. I’m sure you will agree, the end result was much funnier.
Puns
Reuven summed up the problem with puns nicely: the better the pun, the worse it is. They can be useful for a change of style to to give the joke another level of humor. Just remember to use them sparingly. And never make a shtick completely out of puns. You will get beat up.
Trust me.
Remember that details are important. A poor choice of words can turn a funny shtick into a tasteless one. A good idea with poor execution just isn’t funny. Even worse, you’ve wasted a good idea. Finally, don’t make a joke if it’s too obvious. If there is a joke that just has to be made, find a clever way of doing so.

Rule 2: Know Your Audience

You have to know your crowd. What will they think is funny, what jokes won’t they get, and what will they think is offensive? Since you never know who is going to come across your shtick, try keep it tame or nuanced. Remember that “funny” can be measured quantitatively by how many people think it’s funny, and qualitatively by how funny it is. Ideally, you’d like to maximize both, but realistically this is just about impossible. If you can, layer the shtick with multiple meanings so it will work on a peshat and derash level.
If you’re writing a journal of some sort, remember that you don’t have to have each article be funny to everyone. Actually, it would probably be better to direct some shticks to certain types of people, provided the range of your readership is covered.

Rule 3: Avoid Redundancies

If it’s been done before, don’t do it again. Fortunately Hamevaser hasn’t had a Purim issue in years because they had this problem. Essentially, most of the issue was written by one person. While he was funny, the jokes got stale after the fifth year. You’d have to go way way back to the Beis Grinky days to see some good original humor.

Rule 4: Know Your Limits

It’s really important to know when you’re not being funny or your just forcing it. If your idea is lame, then drop it and move on. If you have a good idea and need help with details, get some help. Personally, I’ve done my best shticks while collaborating with people like Ben and Avraham. Friends can tighten up details, and make sure it’s funny to other people besides yourself.

Rule 5: Safek Shtick Lehumra

If you’re unsure if it’s funny or offensive, use discretion. There is no shortage of lame, unfunny, and insulting shticks out there, and we don’t need another one. If you need filler, go for the surreal. Some people might think it’s lame, others will be too drunk to notice. Odds are someone will be offended by any given shtick. You don’t have to be overly sensitive, but avoid gratuitous attacks.
Again, if you’re not sure how it will be received (or worse, you are sure), better to leave it out.

Rule 6: There is NOOOOOO Rule 7

Don’t take yourself too seriously – this post included.
If you have your own suggestions or warnings, add them to the comments.
I’m about to become even more reclusive³ as I go on a non-stop writing binge until Spring Break. Expect blogging to be slow for the next two weeks or so unless something comes up.
Purim Sameach

1. Or at least not in time for Purim. I might post some of them later, but we’ll see.
2. Although, I must give props to Ben for this one.
3. Yes, that’s possible.

Allow me to jump on the bandwagon of mazal toving Avraham Bronstein and Dani Weiss on their engagement. If I may, I’d like to offer a suggestion for future baby names.¹

1. Surprisingly, Meredith had nothing to do with this.

In yet another Sunday in the Library I randomly found yesterday’s Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: I’m 19. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Eventually we want to be married. Our relationship is great. We are committed to each other in every way. Of course, we have our disagreements, but neither of us has ever cheated.
I’m considering marriage now rather than later because I will be moving to Florida for school next fall, and he won’t be coming with me right away.
Abby, is it silly to think about marriage as a way to ensure that the distance between us won’t tear up apart? Or should I wait till I finish school? — THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE
DEAR THINKING: Wait until you finish school. The college years represent a significant intellectual and emotional growth spurt for most people. There is the possibility that by the time you’ve graduated, you won’t be the same person you are today — and neither will he. Please don’t be afraid of this. Growth is positive.

Rebbetzin Jungreis she isn’t, but more Jews follow Dear Abby’s advice than you might realize.
Although the trend is to marry young, the society does impose a minimum standard of development. For most of Modern Orthodox, the most drastic changes occur during “the year in Israel” before college. Based purely on anecdotal research, yeshivot and seminaries often (but not always) encourage students to end existing relationships so that they may concentrate on their own personal development. Only afterwords could the student adequately know what is appropriate to look for in a spouse.
If a person is about to enter a personality changing experience, it does not make sense to commit at that time. Although everyone changes (hopefully matures) over the course of their lives, some periods are more formative than others. People who get married too early would have greater risk of feeling stifled later on in their marriage.
Of course you can argue just how developed one is after 10 months of intense yeshiva/seminary life, or if one is really ready to get married at that point. I’d say that the logic is in place, we just need to work on the details.

Thanks to everyone who commented on The GNU Testament. People made some really thoughtful points to which I’ll respond after I get back to Chicago.
Surprisingly busy yet restful vacation. Met many old freinds, made some new ones, and haven’t lost any that I know of. Spent enough time in the heights to remember how much fun it was, but not enough time to remind myself why it’s better that I left when I did. At any rate, it’s time to get back to “normal.”
One last tidbit while I’m still in NJ:
Life imitates The Simpsons

The laptop arrived at the repair center before Thanksgiving. What this means practically, I do not know. However, there are a few things I did learn this week:

• I have a new favorite place to work. (Thanks Miriam!)
• I really hate macs.
• AOL’s beta of IM looks much nicer, but it’s still buggy. (Random disconnects).
• I need to do some editing on the blog design to account for smaller resolutions and variant color settings.
• Structuralism ~= The Brisker Method (and not in terms of crispiness) – maybe more on this later.

Oh, and a hearty mazal tov to 2x former roommate Yossi Mandlebaum on his engagement to Carolyn Koch. (No onlysimchas link, God bless ’em).

Does anyone else find interesting how much MSNBC covers the new-age Kabbalah craze? It could just be the standard mocking of stupid celebrities. Not only are people like Madonna and Britney prime journalistic fodder, but they won’t have to worry about the Kabbalah center suing them into oblivion for defamaiton unlike some other “religious” institutions.¹
For example, in a recent Newsweek interview which appeared on MSNBC:

When Spears talks about the South Asian musical influences on ?In the Zone,? she says she?s ?been into a lot of Indian spiritual religions.? When asked if one of them is Hinduism, she says, ?What?s that? Is it like kabbalah??

So she’s not exactly a religion major.² It’s possible she has some insightful comments about comparative religion. I doubt it considering her teacher has some trouble keeping her own Kabbalah straight. See for example, MSNBC’s review of Madonna’s new children’s book, Mr. Peabody’s Apples:

In her introduction, Madonna explains that ?Mr. Peabody?s Apples? is based on a 300-year-old Ukrainian tale called ?The Baad Shem Tov.? [sic] She says her instructor in Kabbalah, or Jewish mysticism, first turned her on to the story, which aims to demonstrate the power of words.

This could be a simple typo on the part of Madonna or MSNBC. Frankly I’m curious if Madonna knows something we don’t (undoubtedly she does, but regarding Jewish History. On second thought, scratch that too). Did the Baal Shem Tov have an evil twin? Or maybe this guy was a Hassid from the ‘Hood?
At any rate, I’m sure MSNBC will continue to humiliate the these two for many months to come. They just make it too easy.