September 2006 Archives

Much to my dismay I recently discovered that this blog has been plagiarized. Specifically, my post The Mind Of A Matchmaker has been reproduced here1, links intact, indicating that the "Admin" actually copied and posted the HTML source code. That's it.

No link back, no byline. Zip.

I feel like Metallica (and not in the good way).

Folks, this blog is published under a very reasonable license which really isn't that difficult to follow. The basic gist is that anyone is free to reproduce this blog provided:

1. There is proper attribution
2. The reproduction is for a non-commercial purposes
3. You don't make derivative works from it

I haven't had a problem with this until now since whenever this blog has been used I've been quoted and people have asked permission (which I've granted every time I can remember). When I found the post in question I immediately e-mailed the following to the Admin.

Dear Admin, My name is R. Josh Yuter and run the blog YUTOPIA. recently came across your post here: http://bitachon.com/forums/jewish-dating/164-the-mind-of-matchmaker.html

Which was copied unattributed from one of my earlier blog posts here:
http://yutopia.yucs.org/archives/2004/07/the_mind_of_a_m.html

I publish my blog under creative commons license which allows for reproduction of content, provided attribution is given:
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.5/

That said I will not request removal of your post, but would ask for the proper attribution and link back to the original post.

Thanks and Shana Tova
Josh

Thus far, no reply.

I have a shiur I need to write up on copyright law in halakha, but regardless of any potential issurim it's just so simple to comply with the license that violations are very frustrating.

1. I know by linking there I am directing traffic to them, but the example is well worth it.

I had initially posted this a few days ago, but Josh Waxman pointed out a very careless grammatical error on my part which has since been corrected. Thanks Josh!

Anyone who has spent time in Yeshiva or Seminary during the asseret yemei teshuva has likely played The Mehilla Game, played simply by asking everyone for generic forgiveness and reciprocating with a comprehensive absolution of your own. Given that forgiveness should ostensibly be something personal and individualized it seems contradictory that asking forgiveness has been ritualized to the point of reciting the encompassing tefillah zakkah on Erev Yom Kippur.

In an excellent shiur over Rosh Hashanna, R. Adam Starr of the Hebrew Institute of Riverdale questioned efficacy of such sweeping acts of forgiveness.1 On one hand M. Yoma 8:7 states that Yom Kippur does not absolve interpersonal transgressions until the offended party forgives the offender. However, R. Starr also noted M. Bava Kamma 8:9 in which mehilla is not contingent on being forgiven, but on the very act of asking for forgiveness. R. Starr argued that being forgiven is only a part of the process repentance, but to achieve a full teshuva one must work to reestablish the fractured relationship. Consequently, even if there is a complete forgiveness granted, there is no mehillah until there is a confrontation and the offender requests it.

While I agree with essence R. Starr's shiur I see the two sources slightly differently in that neither Mishna presents a superior model of interpersonal teshuva but must be taken together to be fully appreciated. According to M. Yoma 8:7, Yom Kippur is "mechaper" for personal sins only when the offended party is sufficiently appeased.

משנה מסכת יומא פרק ח משנה ט

עבירות שבין אדם למקום יום הכפורים מכפר עבירות שבין אדם לחבירו אין יום הכפורים מכפר עד שירצה את חברו

Bava Kamma 8:9 discusses that even if someone pays restitution for damages, he does not receive mehillah until he asks for it. However, this Mishnah also adds that the one who is being asked of forgiveness should not be an "achzari" - i.e. he should not be stubborn in refusing to forgive.

משנה מסכת בבא קמא פרק ח משנה ז

 אף על פי שהוא נותן לו אין נמחל לו עד שיבקש ממנו שנאמר (בראשית כ:ז) ועתה השב אשת וגומר ומנין שלא יהא המוחל אכזרי שנאמר (בראשית כ:יז) ויתפלל אברהם אל האלהים וירפא אלהים את אבימלך

The difference between the mehillah in Bava Kamma and the kappara in Yoma is that the mehillah could be given out of a sense of obligation or guilt - not to be considered an achzari. Kappara on the other hand takes place "ad sheyeratzeh et chaveiro" - only until there is a genuine appeasement.

We previously discussed the phenomenon where people are expected to forgive. In these cases, the hurt is still there and often the person asking for forgiveness simply wishes to mollify a guilty conscience. According to this reading of the two Mishnayot, while there could be mehilla if it is induced through guilt there would still not be a full kapparah if deep down the other does not wish to forgive.

As R. Starr argued, the complete teshuva for bein adam l'haveiro is really in the restitution of a relationship between people. Simply asking for forgiveness is itself insufficient. To achieve a full kapparah we cannot simply rely on the other person to give mehillah, but we must work to rebuild the relationship, to the point where the other person genuinely wants us to be forgiven. This of course entails more than the conventional lip service of "do you mohel me" but requires thinking outside of ourselves toward the needs and feelings of the people we have harmed.

Granted it's not as easy, but no one said spiritual improvement would be.

1. Indeed, if this sort of teshuva was in fact effective, then we would be solving the problem of sin'at hinam. This would not just result in a kapparah on an individual level, but in the complete national geulah.

Dear Loyal Readers,
I'd like to wish each and every one of you a happy and healthy new year. I would also like to ask mehilla for anyone I may have hurt over the course of the year.

I know I haven't written much about my personal life as of late, partially because I'm not at liberty to do so for many things and partially because I just haven't had the time. The short version is that things are fine, status-quo is holding in most cases and improving in others. As always, I hope to get back to blogging a little less erratically than I have been, but real life must always take precedence of the the virtual one.

I'll be in HIR for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, and I'd love to meet any readers who happen to be around then. Otherwise, I hope everyone has a holiday season which is meaningful to them, however it may be.

Shana Tovah,
Josh

Brandishing the slogan of "Torah U'Madda," Yeshiva University promotes some form of synthesis between Jewish religious and secular culture. While the term Torah U'Madda is generic, in the context of YU it generally refers to its dual curriculum, combining the religious and secular subject matters in one university as opposed to having them be necessarily in conflict. But beyond the distinction of Torah U'Madda in subject matters, I noticed this past week two instances of Torah U'Madda in the nature of discourse itself.

This past Sunday YU's newly formed Medical Ethics Society's held its first annual conference, this one being titled, "Organ Donation: A Matter of Life and Death - A Conference on Organ Donation in Jewish Law." In general when YU puts on one of these events, the result is positive and this was no exception. The organizers did a fantastic job of setting up the program and managing the flow of the conference, as well as adapting to unforseen scheduling conflicts. The speaker list was very impressive, including a nice range of speakers and topics, but more importantly, everyone spoke surprisingly well. Despite the complexities and nuances of the halakhic and medical issues involved, all speakers were clear, lucid, and articulate making these complicated topics accessibly to a lay audience. I found this to be especially notable in the Roshei Yeshiva R. Willig, R. Schachter, and R. Tendler who were all very well focused on their presentations. The end result was a highly poignant, informative and occasionally entertaining. I was told that there is a plan to have something published for the event, and perhaps the audio of the presentations will find their way on line. Until then, here's my recap and analysis of the conference including the classic R. Schachter/R. Tendler showdown on the controversial topic of Brain Death.

UPDATE You may also want to check out CuriousJew's transcription.

Like most of the country today, I've been thinking about 9/11. Granted given the current geo-political situation, it's difficult *not* to think about 9/11 since there is always something in the news reminding us. For New Yorkers, the experience is understandably much more personal. It wasn't just your country that was attacked, but your home. The familiar iconic towers vanished, as well as the lives of many friends and loved ones. Personally, despite my extended connection with New York City, I've always had a somewhat detached perspective towards 9/11, mostly because I wasn't around at the time.

I remember being in afternoon seder in Gruss learning hilchot shehita when someone came in with the news he read off the internet. Knowing this person's jocular nature and the implausibility of the report we didn't take him seriously at first. Eventually we went in to double check, and were shocked at the images and video. Our lagging single dial-up connection combined with the worldwide demands on the Internet throttled any incoming information. Phones were down for hours so we couldn't even make direct connections with people. Understandably, confusion was rampant as were the feelings of uncertainty and helplessness.

Still, while we felt these emotions, we weren't impacted directly. We worried and prayed, but our day was still basically uninterrupted; there was even a bris in Gruss the following day. Then of course, the religious hyperbole started coming in. It only took a few days until I started hearing quotes from kabbalists claiming how this would usher in the war of Gog and Magog or other signs of the impending apocalypse. Having not been so directly affected, 9/11 almost immediately became mythic; it wasn't so much a terrorist attack but a watershed event in hummanity.

Returning to New York, I felt like a ghost. There was the aura of tragedy and meaning, a collective experience with which I could never fully empathize. Gradually people moved on, but as those who pass Ground Zero today will notice, the holes are still there.

I think it's obvious that people are still dealing with the tragedy and are in their own stages of grief. Some have accepted and moved on, others are still in denial. For me 9/11 is somewhere in the middle of feeling the raw emotions yet always remaining distant. It is both personal and abstract simultaneously. But while there is a feeling that I will never be able to share with my fellow New Yorkers, I hope that I will never have the opportunity to share such an experience in the future.

I'm mildly amused to announce that today I have had my first story approved on Fark. Ex-roommate Yossi sent me this mashup of The Chevra's Yehei over an early adult swim animation. All we needed to submit the link in standard Fark cliche language and there is is.

Shiny.