Hamevaser – The Song

One of the perks of doing the web page for The Commentator was that I had more input than I should have had with the Purim issues. For example, my first year I got the purim issue titled The Ordinary Potato (the common tater). The second year the purim issue was called Commie Sutra. This was also my doing, the result of an offhanded comment to Yishai Fleisher on the subway.

Around this time, I was also co-Editor-In-Chief of Hamevaser. This didn’t last terribly long. But, as I’ve done on other occasion, when I get too frustrated with something, I write a song parody. As you can imagine, the result is often strange or disturbing (and since I’ve learned to play guitar I can even do live performances). The following was one of my many collaborations with Ben Sandler and originally published in the Commie Sutra.

Hamevaser
In Tribute to Dennis Leary (Sorry – no midi link available)

I’m just a regular Joe, an above average Jew
I spent two years at Gush, then I came toYU
I like Buber, and Plato, and books about Kant
I say “existential” whenever I want
My logic is flawless, my intellect pure
I’m a philosophy major, in Rav Rosenswieg’s shiur

But sometimes that just ain’t enough
To keep a man like me interested
oh no
no way
uh uh

So I’ve gotta go out
and get a mag with an elitist pretense
yea yea,
yea yea,
yea yea
yea yea yea yea yea

They hang out with guys named J, E, P, D
They talk about gout with Rabbi Carmy.

HAMEVASER…

After one issue they fired Josh Yuter
Got Yehudit – ’cause Aton thinks she’s cuter

HAMEVASER…

We try to find spouses in top Revel classes
I hear that the ladies go for guys in thick glasses

HAMEVASER…

What if Tradition won’t publish this song?
What if I’ve strayed from the Rav’s Weltanschauung?
Maybe they’re right when they say that I’m wrong…
Naaaaaaa

The Rant:

You know what I’m gonna do?
I’m gonna go back to that Hesder Yeshiva on a hill
and get myself a big M-16… with no safety
and I’m gonna get a huge kippa sruga
and a Breuer Tanach and big black beard and
a big, smelly, cigarette and a degree from the Machon.

And then I’m gonna come back here and teach intro to Bible
and tell everyone who just came back from Yeshiva in Israel
that the Torah was written by monks in twelfth century Germany
and everything they know is wrong and that the Gemara is really an
allegory for wine and love poetry.

And there isn’t a G-d damn thing anyone can do about it.
You know why? Because we’ve got the Rav. OK?
Harav HaGaon Joseph B. Soloveitchik.
And I was in his shiur for twenty years and I was his closest talmid
and I used to cook him breakfast and clip his coupons.

And the Agudas Yisrael and the Edah Chareidis and Neturei Karta
can have all the Gedolim they want and put me in cherem as many times
as they want, because We’ve got the Rav, OK?

The Rav isn’t dead, he’s just sleeping. And as soon as Dr. Brill
figures out how to revive him, he’s coming back, and he’s gonna be
pretty fed up with all you apikorsim. Imagine sleeping through minyan,
and mutiply that by fifteen million. He’s gonna come back and smash Rav Kahn
back to Mongolia and make YU co-ed just like Maimonides, OK, and…

Hey! You really are elitist!

Yeah, well why don’t you just SHUT UP and sing this song, OK???

HAMEVASER…

HAMEVASER…

H-A-M-E-V-A-S-E-R!

EVERYBODY!

H-A-M-E-V-A-S-E-R!